I hope Rick Santorum is unable to do the Scarn.

I hope Rick Santorum buys one of the new Furbies, but eventually gets disturbed by it, so he takes out the batteries. But one night it suddenly starts working because one of his kids put the batteries back in and he suffers from extreme paranoia.

I hope Rick Santorum goes to pull a loose thread out of his sock while he’s wearing it, and it hurts because it’s actually a hair poking through.

I hope a few of the “I hope Rick Santorum”s actually DO happen to Rick, and when he complains about it on FML, his FML either gets a) rejected, b) voted so negatively that it is sent to the bottom of the list, so nobody sees it, or c) becomes the most popular “you deserved it.”

I hope Rick Santorum gets gas and then realizes the gas station next door is 15 cents cheaper.

I hope Rick Santorum starts a submissions blog and nobody submits.

I hope Rick Santorum goes to use the airplane toilet and finds two people joining the Mile-High Club.

I hope Rick Santorum can’t catch Carmen Sandiego.

I hope Rick Santorum plays The Sims and his family can only afford a vacant lot.

I hope Rick Santorum plays Roller Coaster Tycoon and nobody comes to his parks.

I hope Rick Santorum walks into the wrong dressing room.

I hope Rick Santorum’s glue gets stuck to the bottom of the bottle.

I hope Rick Santorum sends his mum Blink 182’s Mother’s day song thinking that it’s a wholesome song about love and respect for your mother.

I hope Rick Santorum’s playing Tetris and gets nothing but Z shaped pieces.

I hope Rick Santorum goes to eat a toaster strudel and someone ate all the icing packets