I Hope Rick Santorum

I hope Rick Santorum sniffs a flower and inhales a bee.

I hope Rick Santorum scores a 1 on his World History AP Exam. It’s funny because I’m sure he actually would.

I hope that Rick Santorum gets put into Slytherin even though he asked the Sorting Hat not to.

I hope Rick Santorum tries to conquer the world but gets beaten up by the Hulk.

I hope Rick Santorum is giving a speech and the fire alarm goes off, but he tells everyone to stay calm and seated because there’s no fire. But the fire marshal tells everyone there IS a fire and he gets fined for telling everyone not to evacuate.

I hope half of Rick Santorum’s followers are on tumblrdatinggame(.)com

I hope Rick Santorum loses his DVD of The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride, and has to watch it online with really slow internet.

I hope Rick Santorum has to listen to Patrick’s real parents saying “where’s Patrick?” all day.

I hope Rick Santorum accidentally changes his relationship status on facebook to “in a relationship”, but he isn’t so he has to change it back to “single” and everyone comments and likes the status, so he has to explain that it was an accident and he was never in a relationship.

I hope Rick Santorum gets all comfortable in bed only to realize he has to pee. 

I hope Rick Santorum is hanging out at a fight club late at night, when a strong urge to sing the Goofy Goober theme song overcomes him.

I hope Rick Santorum finally musters up the courage to come out to his loved ones, but they all ruin his big moment by brushing him off and saying, “We already knew!”

I hope Rick Santorum’s roommate wakes up at 6 in the morning and makes a lot of noise so he ends up waking up 2 hours earlier than planned.

I hope no one tells Rick Santorum that Homestuck is on hiatus, so he keeps refreshing the page every hour with no update.

I hope Rick Santorum chokes at his NYADA audition.

I hope Rick Santorum opens a bag of chips and the air to chips ratio is 80 to 20.

I hope Rick Santorum finds the TARDIS in his backyard only to find out the Doctor is here to save the Earth by dropping him into a supernova.

I hope Rick Santorum tries to catch a shiny Geodude, but it uses self-destruct.

I hope that Rick Santorum has just sold a bunch of fruit and made a lot of bells and then his DS turns off and so he has to deal with

I hope Rick Santorum sings his ABCs, but next time, no one sings with him.

i hope rick santorum walks face-first into a sliding glass door.

I hope Rick Santorum reads that forBiden love fanfic and feels left out and slightly jealous.

dogw00d:

I’m gonna write Joe Biden/Barack Obama fanfiction and it’s going to be called forBiden love

I hope that Rick Santorum decides to dress like Waldo but then no cares to look for him so he’s left hiding in the closet for an eternity.

I hope Rick Santorum posts a status on facebook that leads to an argument with tons of comments, and all of those comments get sent to his phone and his phone freezes from the mass of incoming texts.

I hope Rick Santorum is trying hard to get a deep sleep after going to bed at 4AM but then gets loudly awakened by a group of his neighbors mowing their lawns simultaneously.   

I hope that Peter Griffin mistakes Rick Santorum for Meg so that whenever Santorum speaks, Peter shouts “Shut up Meg!”

I hope Rick Santorum breaks a mirror and is super paranoid, and then, exactly 7 years later when he releases a sigh of relief, he breaks another mirror

I hope Rick Santorum buys a snack from a vending machine, but it snags on the coil and nobody can get it off.

I hope Rick Santorum gets a really great tan over the summer but he keeps getting too dark for his foundation shade so he’s forced to either buy a new shade or make his face look paler than the rest of his body.

I hope Rick Santorum can’t go the distance.

I hope Rick Santorum is looking for something and can’t find it, even though he has looked everywhere.

i hope rick santorum downloads windows antivirus 2012

I hope Rick Santorum lets the monkeys jump on the bed.

I hope Rick Santorum holds half a double door for someone, but they walk right past him and open the other door themselves.

I hope Rick Santorum hears about tumblr as a cool and accepting of everyone place and joins only to realize everyone here hates him.

I hope Rick Santorum finally gets his hand to the bottom of the pringles tube, only to have onlookers make fun of his small hands, and he’s so embarrassed he doesn’t even want the last pringle anymore.

i hope rick santorum finds this blog, submits a post to try and be funny, but it gets no notes

I hope Rick Santorum wear sweatpants on Monday so he can’t sit with us.

I hope Rick Santorum’s cable goes out during the last ten minutes of the series finale of his favorite show.

I hope Rick Santorum’s freezer ices up so he has to defrost it and there’s too much food to eat so it’s all wasted.

I hope Rick Santorum opens the door, gets on the floor, and then no one walks the dinosaur.

I hope Rick Santorum never finds out what teen spirit smells like.

I hope Rick Santorum can’t get his eyeliner to match, no matter how much he tries.