I hope Rick Santorum thinks he did a really good job on a math test when he actually failed it.
I hope Rick Santorum goes through the drive-through at Dairy Queen, but when they turn his blizzard upside down, it falls on the pavement.
I hope North Carolina repeals amendment one because Rick Santorum says he likes it.
I hope Rick Santorum’s senior class president bans hair gel from his prom so he has to go with a fro and his friends call him Mr. Broccoli Head.
I hope Rick Santorum gets his happy trail pinched in his belt when he stands up.
I hope Rick Santorum finally gets his hair into a perfect ponytail, only to move his head and feel sharp pulls on individual hairs.
I hope Rick Santorum Googles Rat King and spends the rest of his life cringing every time he closes his eyes.
I hope Rick Santorum finds the last of his favorite pop-tarts in the pantry, but when he goes to make them in the toaster they get stuck inside and burn.
I hope Rick Santorum goes to officialricksantorum.tumblr.com and gets a boner.
I hope Rick Santorum wants to comment on someone’s status but some people he doesn’t know are having an unrelated discussion in the comments and he doesn’t want to interject with his comment even though it would be really really funny.
I hope Rick Santorum’s favorite band gets really big and the smallest venue they’ll play is Terminal 5.
I hope Rick Santorum starts talking about circumscribed circles in geometry class and accidentally says “circumcised.”
Donate, please! →
samharrisson: My dear friend Emilyann is recovering from Stage 4 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After going through chemo, radiation, and a bone marrow transplant, she is actively helping Relay for Life. If you can donate a few dollars to her cause, we’d be very grateful. Thank you.
I hope Rick Santorum goes on Omegle and finds someone he really clicks with, and then instead of opening another tab, he closes out the Omegle one by mistake.
I hope Rick Santorum spends two hours making a perfect replica of his family, including the pets, in The Sims, but as soon as he tries to move them to a lot the game crashes.
I hope Rick Santorum’s mom tells embarrassing childhood stories about him whenever the neighbors visit, humiliating him greatly.
I hope that when Rick Santorum really needs to shave, the only razors he can find in the bathroom are rusty or covered in his dad’s stubble.
I hope Rick Santorum gets stuck in social situations with people who have bad body odor but can’t say anything because it would be awkward and he’ll look rude.
I hope Rick Santorum is walking in the woods. There is no one around and his phone is dead. Out of the corner of his eye he spot him… …Shia LaBeouf