I Hope Rick Santorum

I hope in every awkward situation, Rick Santorum is “that guy”.

I hope the next time Rick Santorum is eating an oreo, he leaves it in the milk a little too long and has to watch it break and sink to the bottom of the cup.

i hope rick santorum is really excited to eat the first m&m in his bag of peanut m&ms and there is no peanut in it.  

I hope every couple on Rick Santorum’s favourite TV show kiss except his OTP.

I hope Rick Santorum has a crush on a girl and she asks him to help her pick out some lingerie for a date, and so he helps her out, thinking she means the date and lingerie will be for him, but it’s for someone else instead.

I hope Rick Santorum steps out of the shower only to realize that he still has soap on his toes.

I hope Rick Santorum is the weakest person in his marching band, but ends up having to march with the biggest, heaviest bass drum and is sore for days afterward.

I hope Rick Santorum glues a poster on his wall, and when it was time to take off the poster, the paint of his wall came off.

I hope Rick Santorum finds this blog and cries himself to sleep.

My idiotic brother took the reins of my account previously. If anyone got any hate msgs or anything along that nature, I apologize.

I hope Rick Santorum always gets rushed out restaurants, even if he’s the only one there.

I hope Rick Santorum plans to take a nice vacation but gets sick right before it.

I hope Rick Santorum shaves his head and no one posts a “Leave Rick Alone” video. 

I hope Rick Santorum decided to play Animal Crossing: Wild World after a month of inactivity, and he finds his town empty and covered in weeds and he gets a visit from Resetti because he forgot to save his game last time.

I hope Rick Santorum is Sent to the moon by princess Celestia (Trollestia) 

I hope that after Rick Santorum’s neopets get blasted by the snowager, he doesn’t even get the avatar.

I hope that Rick Santorum makes an account on neopets with a mildly inappropriate name as a joke, but then he actually starts to play and he starts to get emotionally attached to all of his neopets and he manages to paint all of them, but then one day he comes back to find out that the mods shut his account down because of his name and now he’s lost everything. 

I hope Rick Santorum gets caught cheating on a final

I hope Rick Santorum gets asked to prom, but later finds out it was a prank.

I hope Rick Santorum posts a nude “in the mirror” bathroom iPhone pic of himself on tumblr but gets no “LIKES.”

I hope Rick Santorum buys a new ipod and when he goes to sync it, it erases all of his songs from itunes.

I hope Rick Santorum missed the finale of Saturday Night Live, so when his friends are talking about how sad it was when Kristen Wiig left he doesn’t know what they’re talking about and feels left out.

I hope Rick Santorum’s older brother says that he’s going to take him to moon and then he goes and gets his coat and shoes and his older brother turns out to not be able to take him to the moon.

I hope Rick Santorum checks his wife’s browser history and finds out that she has a tumblr and has been submitting to this blog daily.

I hope Rick Santorum forgets his towel every time he gets out of the shower.

I hope Rick Santorum steals a balloon on “Free Ballon Day”. 

I hope Rick Santorum wakes up in the middle of the night and hears his dog whining to go out but he doesn’t think anything of it, and then when he wakes up he discovers that his dog pooped on his bed because it couldn’t go outside.

I hope Rick Santorum falls asleep in his spanish class and the kid next to him wakes him up, and jolts him awake, causing him to scream while the teacher is in the middle of a lesson then he has to do the awkward walk of shame to the office.

i hope rick santorum finally has time to play Diablo III only to get error 37 every time he tries to play.

I hope Rick Santorum draws a really good circle but then Squidward tells him it was bad and from that day on he can’t draw a good circle ever again.

I hope Rick Santorum sniffs a flower and inhales a bee.

I hope Rick Santorum scores a 1 on his World History AP Exam. It’s funny because I’m sure he actually would.

I hope that Rick Santorum gets put into Slytherin even though he asked the Sorting Hat not to.

I hope Rick Santorum tries to conquer the world but gets beaten up by the Hulk.

I hope Rick Santorum is giving a speech and the fire alarm goes off, but he tells everyone to stay calm and seated because there’s no fire. But the fire marshal tells everyone there IS a fire and he gets fined for telling everyone not to evacuate.

I hope half of Rick Santorum’s followers are on tumblrdatinggame(.)com

I hope Rick Santorum loses his DVD of The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride, and has to watch it online with really slow internet.

I hope Rick Santorum has to listen to Patrick’s real parents saying “where’s Patrick?” all day.

I hope Rick Santorum accidentally changes his relationship status on facebook to “in a relationship”, but he isn’t so he has to change it back to “single” and everyone comments and likes the status, so he has to explain that it was an accident and he was never in a relationship.

I hope Rick Santorum gets all comfortable in bed only to realize he has to pee. 

I hope Rick Santorum is hanging out at a fight club late at night, when a strong urge to sing the Goofy Goober theme song overcomes him.

I hope Rick Santorum finally musters up the courage to come out to his loved ones, but they all ruin his big moment by brushing him off and saying, “We already knew!”