I Hope Rick Santorum

I hope Rick Santorum has one of those days where his eyelashes keep sticking together.

I hope Rick Santorum is not tough enough to get into the Salty Spitoon

i hope rick santorum makes pasta from a box and the sauce is really thin and it’s supposed to thicken but it never does.

I hope Rick Santorum thinks he’s dating the real Olivia but he’s really dating Altlivia and he never realizes it.

I hope Rick Santorum tries to take a picture of someone with his iphone without them noticing but he forgets that his flash is still on. So everyone sees that he did it, including the person, but all he can do is sit there uncomfortably. 

I hope Rick Santorum accidentally bites his cheek in the same place he bit it two days ago.

I hope Wick Santowum nevew catches that wascally wabbit.

I hope Rick Santorum takes his bagel out of the toaster but it’s so hot that when he tries to put cream cheese on it, none of the cream cheese stays on.

I hope Rick Santorum is really excited to hook up with a guy for the first time so he focuses all of his time on shaving his legs perfectly, but when him and the guy start hooking up, he realizes he forgot to shave his armpits.

I hope Rick Santorum gets a pair of really nice, comfy socks that were also pretty expensive (for socks) and then loses one in the wash and the other one doesn’t match any of his other socks so if he wore mismatched socks it would look weird.

I hope Rick Santorum submits to the unpopular opinions tumblr, only to find out that it’s a popular opinion and now he looks silly.

I hope Rick Santorum gets too old for his Fairy godparents.

I hope rick santorum finds half a worm in his apple.

I hope Rick Santorum finds out what Creepypasta is and he can’t stop reading it but he gets really scared and can’t go to sleep.

I hope Rick Santorum is eating nachos and he swallows a giant sharp piece of the chip by accident and spends 15 minutes trying to swallow it without dying.

I hope Rick Santorum always reblogs “send me a letter/number in my ask and I’ll answer the question” posts but no one ever sends him one.

i hope rick santorum tries to open a door, but the knob doesn’t turn all the way so he bumps into the door.

I hope Jesse St. James dates Rick Santorum’s ex-girlfriend after calling him a zombie that needs to poop.

I hope Steve Wilkos tells Rick Santorum to get the hell off his stage.

I hope Rick Santorum signs a check so sloppily that it doesn’t match the signature on his driver’s license and the store clerk refuses to take the check.

I hope Rick Santorum has to watch Dane Cook stand up every day for the rest of his life. With Dane Cook.

I hope that when Rick Santorum is walking down a city street while hanging out with a friend, a bum blows a kiss toward him and smiles, thoroughly creeping him out.  

I hope Rick Santorum makes a song with his friend about how hot they are, but they end up getting a worse reputation than Rebecca Black.

I hope Rick Santorum finds a coupon for something he wants really badly at the grocery store in the ads in the Sunday paper, but then accidentally rips the barcode so he can’t use it anymore. 

I hope Rick Santorum comes in last during The Amazing Race and it isn’t a non-elimination round. 

I hope Rick Santorum gets in a really intense argument, tries to slam the door, but instead it just goes “wof”.

I hope Rick Santorum watches Game of Thrones, thinking it’s just going to be some fantasy show, only to end up sobbing in the corner and wishing he was dead every time something awful happens to a character he loves.

I hope Rose lets Rick Santorum go.

I hope Rick Santorum’s house phone rings, and he runs to get it because he’s waiting for an important call and stumps his big toe trying to get to it, but then it turns out to be a telemarketer.

I hope Rick Santorum works really hard to answer honestly on the Sorting Hat on Pottermore, but he still gets into the house he didn’t want. 

I hope Rick Santorum buys a pizza, only to be told “F*ck you for ordering”.

I hope Rick Santorum is watching a YouTube video and when he clicks the video to pause it, he gets redirected to another video because the previous one had an annotation link in it.

I hope when Rick Santorum is tearing the frayed edge off of his piece of spiral notebook paper it rips multiple times.

I hope Rick Santorum orders something online, the website malfunctions, he clicks refresh and makes multiple purchases.

Don’t you hate it when you go to the store and go to buy chocolate milk with your mother and she makes you choose between trumoo and nesquick. You usually get nesquick so you get trumoo thinking its more convenient but when you try it, it tastes horrible. So now you have to finish the horrible tasting chocolate milk before buying the milk you truly love

I hope Rick Santorum makes plans for 4/20 but his friends cancel at the last minute

I hope Rick Santorum books a holiday and makes lots of plans before realising he has three assignments due that week and has to spend the whole time at home doing them while his mates party without him.

I hope Rick Santorum’s Popsicle melts and falls off the stick.

I hope Rick Santorum goes to a book signing of his favorite author, but he didn’t come early enough so the line is really long. Then, hours later, when he’s just about to get his turn, the book signing ends. So he spent all that time standing around for nothing.

I hope Rick Santorum doesn’t read the terms and conditions, and it actually turns out they were important.

I hope Rick Santorum still has Blackberry when the entire world switches to iPhone.

I hope while all of Bikini Bottom is in a frenzy over the Alaskian Bull Worm, Rick Santorum vows revenge against it because the coward bit off his tail when he had his back turned. He then goes to look for the worm, but SpongeBob pleads and cries that he’s simply not tough enough to take it on. Rick shrugs off SpongeBob’s pleas and continues looking for it anyway. He eventually comes across worm sign pointing to a cave. He finds and wrestles what he thinks is the worm and even finds his tail! SpongeBob meekly points out that that’s not the worm. Then Professor Farnsworth comes out of the real Alaskian Bull Worm alongside Pinkie Pie and Deadpool. Farnsworth then says, “Good news Rick Santorum! You just lost the game!” Pinkie Pie then giggles, turns to the screen and says, “You guys just lost the game too! Yay!” Then Deadpool proceeds to grab the Nickelodeon logo and hit Rick Santorum so hard with it that he falls out of the show and back into the real world.

i hope rick santorum becomes a really big fan of one direction and then later he finds out he missed liam’s very last twitcam ever and has to watch it on youtube

I hope Rick Santorum wants a glass of milk but when he goes to take the carton out of the fridge he finds out that somebody put it back in empty.

I hope Rick Santorum takes a bite out of a chocolate chip cookie only to discover that it’s a raisin cookie.

I hope none of Rick Santorum’s friends play Words With Friends so he has to play with the zyngawfs.